I am a CHB: Cold Heatless Bitch. For many reasons, but mostly because I don’t have many emotions. Annoyed and really effin pissed off are the two that seem to show up the most often (and this is why I run long distances).
Needless to say, I don’t cry often. I try not to let the random shit that happens in my life have any sort of crying affect on me. There was a brief time I would shed a tear or two when drunk (or not drunk enough), but that time has passed. I really only cry if someone close to me has passed away. (Most recently, my Uncle Don in April.) I do empathize (on occasion) with people who have feelings. I just don’t let their situations get to me.
Until today . . . today I cry. Now I know what it feels like to have my heart break in complete disbelief and disappointment.
Needless to say, I don’t cry often. I try not to let the random shit that happens in my life have any sort of crying affect on me. There was a brief time I would shed a tear or two when drunk (or not drunk enough), but that time has passed. I really only cry if someone close to me has passed away. (Most recently, my Uncle Don in April.) I do empathize (on occasion) with people who have feelings. I just don’t let their situations get to me.
Until today . . . today I cry. Now I know what it feels like to have my heart break in complete disbelief and disappointment.
I was told today, “don’t count on us coming out in November.”
"What?"
“Well Dad doesn’t think he can switch vacation around.”
"Well, you can still fly out."
“Well, I don’t know what my physical therapy schedule will look like.”
"I think you can miss one day of physical therapy to come support me in something I’ve been working three years toward. People from all over the country are coming out, but not my own parents? Really?!"
Rob Thomas said it best, “This is how a heart breaks.” Indeed, this is how a cold and nonexistent heart breaks.
"What?"
“Well Dad doesn’t think he can switch vacation around.”
"Well, you can still fly out."
“Well, I don’t know what my physical therapy schedule will look like.”
"I think you can miss one day of physical therapy to come support me in something I’ve been working three years toward. People from all over the country are coming out, but not my own parents? Really?!"
Rob Thomas said it best, “This is how a heart breaks.” Indeed, this is how a cold and nonexistent heart breaks.
While I know it's nowhere near the same, I'll be there with a bunch of your AZ family to cheer you on. :)
ReplyDeleteI may buy a ticket now jeanne. You have been very inspiring to me!
ReplyDeleteBrian Preston passed your blog along to me, as I'm training for IMAZ, too. I did Vineman a few weeks ago and my parents did not come. They only live 2 hours away and they didn't show because they went to some party instead. I was incredulous! You have every right to be sad, pissed, angry, disappointed, upset, etc that they aren't coming. I know it's not the same, but just remember that all 10000 of the spectators out there are all rooting for you to finish! Get your energy from them. Focus on who is there and who isn't. And, if you want to lay the guilt trip on them, you can tell them 84% of the population has babies and 75% get married, but only 1% participate in an Ironman.
ReplyDeleteI might be in the same boat, Jeanne. It's deer hunting season back in WI...seriously? I think maybe some people/parents don't really get it...it's okay, as long as WE get it :) chin up, girl;)
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