When I was four(ish), my family vacationed to Sesame Place-an amusement park of sorts based on Sesame Street. What more could a four year old want?! My recollection goes something like this: there is a giant room full of kids playing in a sea of plastic balls. There are cargo nets and slides above (so you would fall off of the nets into the soft set of plastic balls below, etc.). I remember my Mom carrying me out of this particular attraction kicking, screaming and crying (me, not my Mom). She remembers it slightly differently. I guess I was too petrified to go down one of the tunnel slides and some random lady had to grab and pull me down the slide. I clearly knew I was headed to my death in the sea of plastic balls and kicked her and screamed the whole way down the slide.
This is how I feel every single time I get in the pool to swim laps. I feel out of control--kicking and screaming (not out loud, for now. . .). I am terrified and I implode with anxiety. I hate swimming. It is not something I enjoy because I SUCK at it.
I’ve taken lessons and had friends watch my stroke. “Looks great,” they’ll say. It doesn’t feel great. Swimming is nothing that is natural for me. I can’t breathe, my heart pounds, my muscles burn, I can’t find a comfortable rhythm, and I can’t relax. This is not the ‘what a great workout’ kind of feeling. No, this is the, “I am clearly going to die” kind of angst. I want to cry it is so hard for me. Workout after workout after workout I feel like I make zero progress.
I don’t mean to brag, but I am pretty awesome at most things I do. There are very few activities I participate in on a regular basis that I am not ‘good’ at and enjoy doing. Otherwise, why else would I do it? It is really quite unfortunate for me that swimming is one of the activities in the triathlon.
So what can I do? Hide some flotation devices and an airtank in my wetsuit for the race? I suppose I have to just keep swimming. (Thank you Dory for the awesome mantra.) As much as I do not enjoy doing things I’m not good at, I am trryyyiinng to see this as an opportunity for growth (both physically and mentally). Hopefully one day (soon) I can feel more at ease in the pool. I am sure not going to let it get me down.
This is how I feel every single time I get in the pool to swim laps. I feel out of control--kicking and screaming (not out loud, for now. . .). I am terrified and I implode with anxiety. I hate swimming. It is not something I enjoy because I SUCK at it.
I’ve taken lessons and had friends watch my stroke. “Looks great,” they’ll say. It doesn’t feel great. Swimming is nothing that is natural for me. I can’t breathe, my heart pounds, my muscles burn, I can’t find a comfortable rhythm, and I can’t relax. This is not the ‘what a great workout’ kind of feeling. No, this is the, “I am clearly going to die” kind of angst. I want to cry it is so hard for me. Workout after workout after workout I feel like I make zero progress.
I don’t mean to brag, but I am pretty awesome at most things I do. There are very few activities I participate in on a regular basis that I am not ‘good’ at and enjoy doing. Otherwise, why else would I do it? It is really quite unfortunate for me that swimming is one of the activities in the triathlon.
So what can I do? Hide some flotation devices and an airtank in my wetsuit for the race? I suppose I have to just keep swimming. (Thank you Dory for the awesome mantra.) As much as I do not enjoy doing things I’m not good at, I am trryyyiinng to see this as an opportunity for growth (both physically and mentally). Hopefully one day (soon) I can feel more at ease in the pool. I am sure not going to let it get me down.
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