Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Hello, my name is Jeanne and I am a binge eater

I sure do love food. Some of my favorites include macaroni and cheese, Hamburger Helper, cheesy broccoli rice casserole dishes, chips, pizza, cheeseburger snacks. Yummmy!

Boy can I eat a lot of food. Finish off a whole box of cheeseburger macaroni Hamburger Helper? Yes, please! I’ve never been one of those people who just stops eating when I’m satisfied, or even full. I eat until there is no food left. I can put down an entire bag of Doritos and not think anything of it. It’s not just junk food either. Right now I am struggling because there is a bowl of apples not far away. I could easily eat three of them. Am I hungry? No. I had a satisfying dinner of tilapia, butternut squash and roasted potatoes. I just want to eat. All. The. Time. It’s all I think about. What am I going to eat? When will I eat? What will I eat after that?

Sometimes it’s mindless munching. Sometimes I’m eating my emotions. Sometimes I just like the way it tastes so much I eat a few granola bars. I love a good binge.

During my ‘formative years’ (high school) I could eat just about anything I wanted. I played basketball and threw track so I burned the calories in the two peanut butter & jelly sandwiches and pile of chips off pretty easily. My ‘portion control’ revolved around my active lifestyle. I never really adjusted my portions but I did my activity level. Through college and after I slowly gained too much weight (the accident did not help). Now I struggle. I have given Weight Watchers a whirl and that has helped. Now if I could stick with those reasonable portion sizes on a regular basis, maybe I could maintain a weight loss. Sigh.

I find it especially hard to control my weight, and even loose some pounds while training. I am working out at a level that I have not experienced in a long time (if ever) and I am hungry all the time. This is not a good situation for a binge eater. I don’t need an excuse to eat and now throw actual hunger on top of it? Are you kidding!?

I struggle with this every day. I need to eat enough calories to fuel my workout. I need to eat the right kind of calories to fuel my workout. I need to make sure I hit all of the important nutrients. I need to reach a racing weight that will allow me to optimally perform for the big race (and look super cute in a bridesmaid dress a week before!). I need to stay away from the Easter candy aisle at the grocery store.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Dear Motivation,

Where did you go? Just two weeks ago you were here. As few as ten days ago even. Do you know I will not survive if you are not here?

I need you. The alarm clock rings whether you are here or not yet I can’t seem to get out of bed without you around to kick me out.

I know I had to change things up last week so I could rest and make sure I was ready for the Ragnar Relay. I need you back. No more excuses. I have to go to the gym in the mornings. I need your help to get there.

Well, I don't know if you care now or if you've lost feelings for me... I don't know how you feel. My feelings for you are still the same and the memories of those awesome workouts don't erase.

Now I realize that it's true; you really don't ever know what you've got until it is gone. I lost you and if there was any way I could be with you again I would, but you seem to have forgotten about me and you'll probably never read this, but this how I feel and I miss you.

Love always,
Jeanne